This last year I have been coming back to myself and moving into the unknown. For almost 18 years, life-threatening allergic reactions to most mediums forced me to work digitally. In 2018, I was given a diagnosis and meds that opened the door to gentler mediums like watercolor and gouache. In that transition, I tried to take the work I’d made for years and move it into the new mediums. I lost the joy in it, and started to hate it.
Going back and forth between the artist I was known for (and supported as) and playing around and sharing work that made my followers and collectors stop following me was challenging. I finally gave in about a year ago and just did what I wanted and I have never been happier incorporating all the colors, symbols and exploration into my work.
Following that, I secured a coveted, solid wood 1970’s flat file that pushed me into removing all my old white, sterile furniture to sell on marketplace, for more warm, aged, and curious pieces and I started painting murals on my studio walls!
Now my hair. I’ve had long hair my whole life, but I was forced to cut it short years ago when my undiagnosed illness (at the time) spiraled out of control between 2010 and 2012 and I was in and out of the hospital. After I cut it off, all I thought about was getting it back, and when I finally did, I clung to it like it was my whole identity. Six months ago, my disease progressed and my neck could not hold the long hair anymore, so I cut it just above chin length (still did not fix the issue).
My hair was now always in my face in the studio, and if I clip it back it creates intense nerve pain on my scalp and face which made it hard to paint, yet I was still trying to hold onto it.
So yesterday, I was in the studio and the clips were hurting and when I took it down my hair was in my face, I was so over it….. I took studio scissors and went o the bathroom and cut it all off.
What I have learned is that creating in the studio and living life without pain matters more to me that hair ever will.