Tell us your full name, age, hometown and passion.
Aunia Kahn, 30 and my passion is being dedicated to my creativity, making a living at it and using my strength and success to help others.
What dream are you currently living out?
The dream I am living is having the ability to use my art to help the world and the people that live in it. I’m a full time artist, graphic and web designer, musician, etc., and actually making it.
Where were you before you decided that it was possible to pursue your dream?
I was going to school, still undecided about my path and working a lot on myself in terms of who I was, who I wanted to be, and how to use this one life and make it very special. I was also alone, dealing with personal stresses from the child abuse I endured, and I started to use art as creative therapy.
Did you have an epiphany or a change in mindset when you realized that it was possible? When/what happened?
Many months went into building a portfolio that I never intended to share with anyone except certain trusted friends and family. My life was at an all-time personal low and I was coming to terms with the child abuse I suffered. I started to create art while in the middle of giving up my denial, a denial of the marks or permanent damage from my past. It was detrimental to my psyche because, contrary to what I had been telling myself for years, I didn’t come out unscathed and I don’t think anyone does. The art created at that time reveals parts of my life as an open book, in visual stills sharing the wounds and bound emotions from trauma.
As works ended and new ones began, taking time to look back at finished pieces was tough and months would pass before I could really revisit some of them, but there were other works I could get so consumed in, finding a comfort knowing I was making progress in my recovery. The whole process was not only therapeutic, but extremely addicting. I didn’t leave my studio much for many months. I was clueless my illustrated life’s moments captured in time would be shared with any part of the world, especially publicly.
As time passed I finally shared some of my work with my close friend and mentor “Roger Popwell”. After reviewing my work he let me know that it moved him, and it was also gallery worthy. Originally opposed to the idea of public exposure, a show of a very fitting topic matter was brought to my attention and that changed my mind. “Voices Within Surviving Through the Arts” was graciously put on by the St Louis Artists’ Guild in 2005, and it just felt like the right place to show and the right purpose if there ever was any. I survived certain darker parts of my life, and most importantly my abusive childhood, by losing myself in creating, and this exhibition was inviting those who felt that very way. It just seemed right.
I go with my gut, follow my heart and typically go in directions otherwise avoided with just my head running the show. I am living my dream because for a mere second I took a chance to share with the world something vulnerable and special to me. The people that saw it connected with it and this is one of the many reasons I still exhibit and did not stop right when I started.
What mental barriers did you have to overcome? What fears did you have to confront?
Sharing my work publicly was intense and one of my biggest fears. There is not a lot of hiding who I am in some random bush on the side of a building. When people see my work they see a part of me that’s personal, vulnerable and honest. At my first solo show I found myself in tears in the bathroom alone, wondering what I was doing. It was surreal to have over 20 pieces of my work and life on the walls together looking back at me. Especially since I use myself as the model in my work it was even more surreal and intense. Over time and through the hundred-plus exhibitions I have done since 2005, I have become more comfortable exhibiting my personal history publically than I did in the beginning of my career. You get over being judged for who you are by your art in the public light and learn to accept it, and cherish that you can use art to express such powerful and personal emotions.
What kind of feedback or advice were you given and how did you perceive it?
Everyone wants to give advice as you get successful. “Don’t do this, do this” and so forth. I do listen to all the advice I’m given but truly I find the best advice comes through experiences. As for my art, an example of advice given by a few people is that I need to look into ‘lighter’ subject matters. I can’t change how I create unless it’s fitting to my growth, and it’s a natural progression. I am not going to become a factory of artwork that is put out there to pacify the public. My art is me, and I must stay true to that. We all love art for many reasons, but it’s hard to give advice to an artist when I believe art is personal, and a growing process of life that needs to be traveled by that artist.
What inspired you to reflect on your former circumstances and begin to define how you wanted to live your life?
Honestly, I am a self-aware person who has always tried to better myself through circumstances one might find challenging in life. When I started to realize I was not this strong powerhouse person, unharmed by the years of child abuse, I got real. As a result I was thrown into reflecting on my past in a way I never had before. It was like this little white house with a picked fence that I built as my protection suddenly was gone the minute I quit denying myself the opportunity to live a life that was not perfect. Sitting alone on a cold slab of concrete I realized that I was not okay from the abuse, and for years I was unaware of that. Although the words “I was not okay” brought me to a very sad place, they also changed my life forever, in a very good way. I created art, I reflected, and I started to heal.
How has doing what you are doing, changed how you see future possibilities and challenges?
No matter what, there will always be a surprise element to life. If we could plan it all out it would be boring and uneventful. Something is always going to surprise you about how your life will be lived out. Possibilities are endless, and so are challenges, and it’s truly how you use both for the positive future.
What are your strength and weaknesses? Which are you trying to improve upon?
A weakness I have is trying to take on the world in six seconds. I’m super motivated. It can be a great thing but you have to make sure not to wear yourself down, especially when motivated about something you love. Never make what you love into what you despise.
A strength I have is the ability to reach people. I may talk a lot, but when I do people listen. When I create, people pay attention. I know that my artwork subject matter is strong and reaches out to people of many demographics, and people connect with it in their own way. It’s like a visual therapist or a friend that knows how you feel. It resonates. I feel that to be able to touch people and affect them is a great strength.
How has your perspective on life changed?
I have always been interested in making a positive impact on people around me and my eyes were opened to all the ways the world really is inspired and affected. I have always been into art, but never looked at it as therapeutic or as an activist tool when I was younger. I now look at all those imaginative people out there being creative and using their work to change the world and I am amazed at the way they go about doing it. I see that even being an artist can be used as a tool to speak out about those things I feel passionate about.
What have you learned about life from your journey?
I have learned that no matter what you want to be doing, it might not be where you will end up. If you do what you love, keep following your heart and be good to those on the way. Many doors and opportunities will present themselves to you, and many are beyond your dreams. Be real.
How do you perceive society?
It changes from moment to moment. Sometimes it scares the shit out of me the way people treat each other, then in the same instant I can see a compassionate, almost miracle, action happen and I am spun in my seat. It’s pretty moment to moment and confusing. I guess I just try and live and not think too much about society since I don’t believe I fit in very well and never really enclose. I choose not to own a T.V. and even that weirds people out. Go figure.
What would be your advice to other people who want to live out their dreams?
As silly as it sounds, the truth is to do what you love and the rest does follow. It’s very important to always be humble, but work hard and use major dedication and confidence. As you make your way help those that are behind you and be sure not to burn bridges. Reach back when you can. The people under you are those who lift you up. Watch close for those that would ride your success for their own personal gain; I’ve had to deal with that on many occasions, they can bring bitterness to your nature of giving when you have worked so hard for where you are. For those that are not as fortunate as you, but are dedicated and working hard, be a good person and extend a hand, give a good word about them to someone important, boost their ego because what goes around does come around. We all want to get to the top, but no one has ever done it alone.
What is most important to you in life?
Living for now and truly understanding that at any moment you can be gone.
What are you most proud of in your life?
I am proud that my abuse was a launching pad for my success and that I didn’t let such a childhood tragedy ruin my life. I am proud that I have been able to use my success to help people and help raise awareness about issues that I am passionate about: domestic violence, spousal abuse, mental illness, animal abuse and the environment. To take something you love and have fun doing, but also be able to use it to create a stir about other passions, is really fantastic.
What is your next dream?
I would love to open a gallery. |
